Title: ::quickly tries to think of something:: Fantasia :D! shut up
Author: well, who the hell do you think I am?! Kyoshi O:<
Rating: Fuck ratings. It's supposed to be whatever. Not like anything happens and it's really stupid. >>;
Summary: Fuck the summary as well x_x it's not that long. Just something I threw together over the last few days. First inspired by how angry I was at an ex-KxKer's LJ post. But then it turned into something stupid. It's just a New Years fic, which is why I'm rushing to get this up right now ><;
Notes: There's too much I could say. Besides the fact that this story sucks and has little point and sucks more. Ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you how much I have problems with writing because I suck. And there are 54893758397583 notes at the bottom of this. And I'm not sure how I was able to write a short Pierrot fic [KxK specifically], when I watch too much Janne Da Arc or Iceman. ::has problems:: I watched FATE or FORTUNE like 589437589 times while writing this, so it probably sucks more :D ok. Have fun losing your intellegence from reading this.

[Kyou wa Jyuu ni gatsu san jyuu ichi nichi desu.] [1].

Only a few more hours left until Oshougatsu [2].

When Kohta and I were kids together... we’d always look forward to this time of year. Our family celebrated this time as festively as any other family in Japan. We always helped Okaa-san with decorating the house and entrance way after the cleaning was completed [3]. When the time came for preparing all the food we’d have, Okaa-san didn’t want us to help, just watch if we wanted to. That was fine with me, I never liked cooking. She just didn’t want our young hands dealing with the specially prepared meals, including the toshi-koshi soba which we would eat just at midnight, to carry us into the new year [4].

Every thing our family did to prepare for the new year had some traditional meaning attached to it, some of it I never understood. Getting the holiday off from school was always a plus, so I never complained. Verbally, at least.

Kohta and I would always watch the Kohaku Uta Gassen [5] together, even if some of the traditional performers weren’t interesting to me. Hell, I couldn’t tell most of the traditional stuff apart from the others. Sometimes it sounded like four different people sang the same damn song! Though I was probably not paying complete attention when watching the program because sometimes I’d watch Kohta out of the corner of my eye, he was far more interesting to look at than the TV anyway.

On New Year’s day I liked watching how happy Kohta was when he received his Otoshi-dama [6] from the family. After a while receiving the crimson envelope didn’t do much for me, other than becoming a little richer, but for him.. it was a joy. And that was always enough for me.

For years I celebrated Oshougatsu with Kohta, Okaa-san, Otou-san [who even made sure to make it back home from his job before Ootsugomori [7] ], and other relatives whom my parents had over. After I left home all those years ago, all of the traditional aspects of Oshougatsu, and the ceremonies that took place around this time, became... less important to me. But I still take this day to remember the past year... sometimes to reflect on what I’ve learned or been through, or to think through my troubles. Okaa-san told me when I was younger that ‘forgetting’ the year helped make sure that the new year started off right with a “clean slate” so to speak. I’ve never forgotten her saying that.

This year.. I only have one thing on my mind.

Actually, one person.

For a little while, I’ve had a few.. troubling thoughts. Mostly they’ve been brought on by thinking about how the public would react to this. How our family would react to this. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what that would be like.

I’ve known him since the day he was born. Back when I was three, when I immediately associated him with looking like a turtle.. he’s even the reason I love turtles so much. I’ve watched him grow up.. Grow up alongside me. I know him so well, even better than he knows himself. I know what makes him happy, or what gets him annoyed, or just even what small cute things he likes that he tries to hide from the public. All for his cool, bad boy image that he tries to keep. But, I know him so much better than that. I know him inside and out, better than anyone ever could.

And I just can’t get it off of my mind.. about what could happen, if anyone ever found out.

Just because he is of my own blood does not mean I love him any less than another person could. Since he is my brother, I love him more. I love everything about him.

No one else could possibly understand that. To understand what it means to love someone the way I do.

Maybe when this year ends, and the new one begins, these troubles will become ‘forgotten’ in some way.

“... Onii-chan?”

I look up and see him standing there wearing a light jacket with mine in hand. “Hai?” I wonder how long he had been standing there, while I was lost in thought.

“It’s almost time, come on!” I loved how excited he became, even now. It always makes me smile.

He walked across the room to stand just in front of my spot, draping my jacket around my shoulders as he gave me a quick kiss. “Alright, I’m coming.” I gave him another smile to be reassuring.

I didn’t realize how much time had passed while I was off in thought. It was almost midnight now.

I slipped my jacket on before he grabbed my hand and walked with me outside. We stood just outside of the door, the winter air blowing gently against us. I wrapped both of my arms around his waist, pulling his back against me. When I felt him cover my hands with his, I couldn’t help a small smile.

“Listen Onii-chan... can you hear them?”

I nodded my head against his back as I closed my eyes to listen to the sounding bells [8].

Maybe even.. the ‘sin’ of loving my brother will be lifted from me with the sound of these bells.

This love isn’t a sin.
This love is the most wonderful thing I could have asked for.

And... even if no one else could come to understand that.. I’ll still have Kohta, and that will always make everything perfect.

Always...

[1] I felt like putting this is Japanese text instead of just romaji, which is available right next to it. This means "Today is December 31st". Which in reality is today [where I am at least], though I started this a few days ago.

[2] Oshougastu is the New Years holiday in Japan. It's actually celebrated over three days, or more depending. but I changed it just slightly [in my mind I think] And I was going to write this earlier this week, but with internet problems I had to wait to get more info [cause I suck and forgot half of what Wargo-sensei told me]. But everything in this has reason x_x; I think. Or else I suck.

[3] Houses are cleaned like whoa.. like spring cleaning. And on New Year's Eve I think.. there are pine, plum branch, and bamboo decorations placed at the entranceway of houses and not removed until like... two weeks later. And I read somewhere that they're burned in a bon fire. And there are other decorations and stuff that yah. But I'm in a huge hurry so yah ^^;;;

[4] I think these are long noodles and they mean "year crossing noodles" :D so shut up. They're random.

[5] I'm pretty sure that most of you, if not all, know what the Kohaku Uta Gassen is xD The red and white contest that's on New Years Eve. And it's a musical competition between female musicians [red] and male musicians [white]. I still need to get back my copy of the 2001 Kohaku ==;;;;;

[6] Money! :D I heard only kids get them from the parents and relatives when they visit or something. I remember Wargo-sensei saying they were in crimson envelopes, but I'm sure they could be in other colored ones O_o;

[7] My dictionary said this was New Years Eve. Don't quote me on it for the love of gawd. I don't have any other refrence besides that.

[8] There are 108 bells that ring at midnight from temples and stuff and they represent the 108 sins of man and hearing them like... vaporizes them or something x_x;;;; not like that, but yah. I'd explain it better, but I am being rushed. These bells are called the Tsuri-Gane.

I'd look over this better and fix stuff or add more info, but my mother is yelling at me to hurry up and I just wanted to get this up by today, and I'm going to Akron like... SOON, so I had to get this up NOW. X_X

I hope you enjoy the crappiness of this writing :D

::is still watching Janne:: I have problems ==;;