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Chap 3a - Aiji (Kohta's next!)

I’m yawning as I head into the studio for another day of work. As early as it is, Kirito expects us to be here. I smile to myself. I’d go without sleep at all if he asked. My smile fades somewhat as I tell myself not to think about it anymore. My thoughts had been heading in a certain direction again. Wondering what it would be like……. I really shouldn’t think about him that way. Knowing Kirito, my head would be rolling around on the floor in two seconds if he ever found out.

It’s been a while since that concert when I had accidentally looked behind me and found something in Pierrot I probably shouldn’t have. The thought has pretty much left my mind. I don’t know how or why, but I’ve lost the ability to focus on it. I’d thought about it for a while after the show. When we went back to the bus and headed out, ready to sit back and chatter away about the whole thing, it was still idling in my head. I tried to look at them all from a different point of view. Could people outside of Pierrot see what I had by just glancing at us? Are we blind to this because we’re all affected by the same desire? I tried to watch them as though I were someone else. I tried to take my attention off of Kirito for this one moment. I tried to see if they were really begging for his attention when I had always assumed they were making small talk. What did I find? Nothing. I didn’t get a chance. Takeo was discussing something up in the front with the driver while glancing back at us every once in a while, or perhaps only at Kirito, I couldn‘t tell. Jun and Kohta were animatedly chitchatting about the show, while trying to get Kirito to join in on their conversation every once in a while with a compliment aimed in his direction, but to no avail. Eventually they quieted down and talked amongst themselves after receiving some rather harsh comments in return. All this was happening at once, and I was sitting in a cushy chair in the back trying to take it all apart and piece it back together. I glanced up at them again. Takeo now had Jun wrapped up in conversation, and Kohta was fiddling with something electronic, apparently the bus radio, which was making odd buzzing and crackling noises, and Kirito………was heading straight towards me. I just about jumped out of my skin. I’d been quite engrossed with these thoughts of him, trying to place myself in different situations and as a result, I forgot that they, or he, even knew I was there.

He flung himself down, practically laying across the couch situated next to my chair (all the furniture on the bus were riveted to the floor for obvious reasons). At first, I thought he might be trying to get some sleep. It wouldn’t be very polite of me to hang around and watch him if he was, much as I‘d have wanted to. He wouldn’t like that. He doesn’t tolerate people around when he‘s doing something such as sleeping, so I stand up, ready to head off to the front with the others. He stops me however, softly saying my name. Kirito has a way of talking sometimes so quietly that he can be heard over every other noise in the room. I stop. After few moments I turn back to him. He’s now spread himself over the couch, legs crossed, arms resting behind his head, eyes closed, still in the costume from our concert, all straps and leather, right eye still painted. I would have mistaken him for being asleep if I had just walked in.

“Sit down Aiji,” he says without moving, “Tell me what’s on your mind.” I sit automatically, practically falling down into the chair. I’m not sure what to say, so I just sit there. Now I wish I had said something. Kirito opened his eyes, and twisted around on the couch, pulling himself up to rest over its arm while watching me. “What are you thinking about that has you so quiet?” he asks. His eyes don’t seem to question me in the sense that most do. They aren’t large and curious, his eyebrows aren’t raised, altogether he doesn’t look like there would be any answer that could surprise him. Not very often have I seen him with a truly awed expression.

Time seemed suspended in that moment with Kirito laying there, looking at me expectantly, the rocking motion of the bus as we barreled down the streets of Tokyo, Kohta’s radio flipping chaotically between static and unrecognizable music, but perhaps most of all with the lights flashing through the windows as we passed by. The lights illuminated all that was inside of our little moving house, but only in brief flashes, sometimes red, sometimes yellow or blue, sometimes there were several colors streaming in, all of it fitting together like a soft, slow strobe light. They threw shadows all around, as if throwing black ink over everything. I’ve always liked riding the bus at night for this reason. Time stopped right then and there for me, with nothing but the image of Kirito draped over that ratty couch, bathed intermittently in intense light then complete darkness with his eyes locked on me. And, once again, my memory crept away. I forgot what I had been thinking about because it didn’t matter, just like in that moment when he was moaning in all his lust filled glory on stage. All I could do was stare at him.

I gave a soft laugh. “I..I don’t remember,” I said. He smiled at me, like one smiles at a child, like he had accomplished something, and it puzzled me. I have to admit, sometimes I get rather unnerved when he smiles at me like that. I don’t know why, as I’m sure Kirito had no evil intentions behind it. What harm is there in me forgetting something so trivial? I’ve figured it’s just the way I think, one of the things that I’m insecure about. Jun once told me that he always read too much into Kirito’s actions, and I agreed with him wholeheartedly. I do the same thing, and often I’m ashamed of myself for it. I’m ashamed that I doubt his intentions every so often. It’s only a feeling I get, that there’s something behind his spontaneous kindness, some catch. Usually he’s only giving us cutting remarks to swallow, and I guess it must throw me off guard. After all, I know Kirito would do everything he can for this band, and also for its members. I feel quite guilty for letting this cross my mind, so I put it out of my head and give him a small laugh in return. It seemed to be enough for him. He broke his gaze away from me to turn around, once again lying on his back. After a few moments more of waiting for him to say something, I realized the conversation had ended, and his only intentions were to fall asleep. I drug myself off the comfortable chair and out of his presence to join the others up front. My time of having his attention was over for the day. And I was happy beyond words that I had that much.

I yawn again. Poking around the studio for a misplaced guitar pick is not the most entertaining of activities. And I’ve been letting my mind wander again. It’s not much later till I hear the front doors swing open, letting the sounds of footfalls and the traffic outside enter before they swing shut. I’ve given up on finding the pick. I’ll have to use something else as a substitute. I think I brought the whole pack of extra ones home with me last night…. The sight of Jun speed walking past the recording room brings me out of my reverie. I hear a door open and then close, then another. Then the roadrunner comes back to the recording room and glances around, letting his eyes fall on me after he’s scanned the area thoroughly.

“You lose a pick too?” I ask with a bit of a chuckle. Jun can look quite silly when he’s not paying attention to what he’s doing. Now would be one of those times.

“Huh? ….uh.. No. Has Kirito been here?” he replies, my light humor obviously lost on him.

Something in the back of my head starts nagging at me. “I’m the only one here as far as I know,” I answer, just a little put out that he’s not paying attention to me. “What’s going on?”

Jun seems flustered. What is he after Kirito for? It’s not like he’s _always_ the first one here. Though he usually is. Still, we all know we’re supposed to be coming today, so why is Jun so worried he’s not here? Did something happen……? I’m a little worried now.

My question brings Jun’s attention back to me, as he’d been focusing himself on the clock. I had been about fifteen minutes early when I got here. I was hoping Kirito would be here myself actually.

“Well, he…” Jun suddenly seems at a loss for words. “….uh… No reason really.”

“Uh huh….” I nod, giving him a skeptical look. He gives me a small smile in return that seems rather apologetic, and then heads back out of the room. I hear him fiddling around with his guitar as the others start showing up. I still haven’t found that damn pick.

Much to everyone’s surprise Kirito is the last to show. He’s actually fairly late, but even so as he walks through the door everyone jumps into work mode without question. Jun looks particularly anxious about something and I can’t quite put my finger on it. Throughout the day he casts nervous glances in Kirito’s direction without much acknowledgement in return. I can tell he wants to talk to him about something, and it’s even starting to get me anxious just watching the two. Towards the end of practice things change however. I went over to Jun a few times and tried to start a conversation with him, without much success. He gave me short replies and nods, and in the end we wound up simply sitting there, Takeo soon giving us some project to work on after a while of watching this. I could tell Jun’s behavior was disturbing him. He was annoyed by it or something. Soon Takeo’s eyes would follow Jun’s to a seemingly oblivious Kirito, and then back to Jun. Something was stirring in his head and I wanted to ask him if he knew what was going on with our guitarist. I didn’t get a chance though, and soon we were put back to work.