Title: Yuugai no Tenshi
Rating: I would say a strong R
Warnings: Language. Mentions of sex and drug-use

Ignore any spelling/grammar I screwed up on. i've been up all night >_<

A pale blue light that seeps into the room, Casting shadows that appear as haunting figures in my tainted mind. I no longer fear the monsters that lurk behind the corners, because I am the one to fear. I am the beast I thought I was running from. Why can’t I escape myself?

There is only one other form in this room that is not a dark, sweeping creature created from the tree branches in the wind against the house and my drugged haze. He is flesh and bone like myself. Hell, we are from the same bloodline even.

It hurts to look at him sometimes. Not only because he is beautiful, but because I messed up most of that beauty. I was sinking under and I took him with me. Why him? Why Did I ruin such a pretty thing? Though he will always be stunning in my mind, he used to be better. He used to smile often. Such a pretty smile

We would be out together, in the bask of a sun with no clouds to block its heat and light. Shimmering down onto face’s that were not worn down and tired. Not looking for a fix, because anything we needed was in front of us.

I do not feel as bad about doing this to myself. I don’t see how I was anything worth preserving anyways. But him, he was worth everything. He should never be this fouled. Never be around those disgusting buildings and eerie strangers in alleys. He didn’t belong. He out-shown everything around him.

My selfish side is glad, though. Because I have watered him down, so no one else will want him. No matter how beautiful he is. But I will always want him, and no one will take him from me now.

We must have the most fucked-up relationship on earth.

We spend our days locked away in this house, usually asleep. And at night we stumble through the city on a high worth that of Gods. Every night is different.

Sometimes there’s a party. Where we are so out of our minds from poisoning our bodies in so many ways we cant see straight. Sometimes we find a random, underground club. And sometimes we’re alone. But at the end of the night it’s all the same.

We come back to this place and fall into the bed we share. Blood and mind speeding on overdrive, faster than our body can react as we are on each other as soon as we get in the door. It fallows into insane, frantic, drug-induced sex. I’ve found it was always better than when I was sober.

But that, of course, is not even the bad part about our relationship. “What more things could there be!” you ask. Two, gay men who are fucked up on so many illegal substances it doesn’t seem possible they are still alive. What more sinful things could there be?

He is my brother.

Yes. My real brother.

And I laugh, because sometimes I feel like the most sane person in the world.

I don’t think many would agree.

What do they know, anyways?

I don’t care what people say. Not that anyone knows. We managed to pull it off. No one that we get together with suspects we are related. They know we are together, that’s for sure. I cannot count how many times I’ve taken him with most of them in the same room.

Through all that I have told you, I’ve found that for the most part, I am happy.

Yes. I am happy being a crazy, drug-fiend who fucks his own brother on a nightly basis.

Because any other way. I don’t think I would be able to have him.

If we were normal like we once were. Someone would find out. And if I ever start to feel disgusted with myself, I can pump the venom into my blood stream and make it all go away.

Because he is more than sex to me, he is my life source. The only one who has been there through most of my life, seen everything that’s happened to me and been there beside me.

He loves me unconditionally. And that’s all I need to stay alive. If it weren’t for him, they would of found my lifeless body in an alley somewhere years ago.

A quiet voice breaks through the silence and brings me back from thought.

“Oniisan…”

For some reason, I’ve always liked the way he says that.

“Yes?” I asked turning my head towards him. He stands, leaning against the doorway. He hasngrown into a perfect, handsome man. But for some reason I still often see him as little Kohta, Who I must always keep close to my side.

He gives a soft smile. “You just seemed to daze off for awhile…” He says more quietly, though we are the only ones here. What is it about a dark room that makes you want to whisper?

He steps into the room and the blue glow from the window im sitting by pours over his form as he comes closer. How does such a corrupted being look so angelic? He must be a fallen angel, if any.

I beckon him closer with a hand until he’s standing in front of me, I sit up in my chair and force a smile. I tug on an arm so he falls into my lap. A second of maneuvering and he’s laying comfortably with his legs over mine and head on my shoulder. I knew it was a good idea buying this nice, easy chair.

With my eyes alternating between the night outside the window by us and his face, I begin to realize many things.

We are two very imperfect people. Living a very imperfect life. But we share this life, and we are happy with it. We make our own choices and I know they are not always good ones.

But we are happy this way. So who is to say that it is not perfect for us?

****

After finishing this. I got a sudden urge to turn this into a longer, chaptered story. Of how they came to be this way (together and screwed up on drugs =) ) hm. What do you think?

Feedback greatly appreciated.^^

[next chapter]